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MySleepyGrenade's Journal


MySleepyGrenade's Journal

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6 entries this month
 

Ocean Bound

02:13 May 29 2013
Times Read: 523


This pirate is heading out to sea! I'm going on a CRUISE!!!



I've never been on one before but have always always wanted to go!



And we found an 8 day cruise through the Bahamas for seriously rock bottom prices :) How could I pass this up?!



I of course am nervous... I have heard and seen many horror stories on the news (like everyone else)



Plus this will be my first time outside of the states (not including Canada and just over the border Mexico)



It's all a bit daunting...



BUT! I am a pirate and have multiple disaster preparedness plans so everything is going to be great.



September should just get here faster!


COMMENTS

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deringerdan
deringerdan
02:22 May 29 2013

not without me.. who else will you cause havock with unless I go?





VenusFire
VenusFire
02:32 May 29 2013

Just be careful Sleepy. I've seen too much in the news about cruise ships lately. I do hope you have fun!





MySleepyGrenade
MySleepyGrenade
02:35 May 29 2013

That's one of the main reasons I'm nervous. We are travelling on Carnival but it's one of the newer ships who haven't had any issues so I think we'll be ok.



And I watch WAY too many disaster movies lol I think I can cobble a plan together to save everyone ;)





 

In Way Over My Shell

12:59 May 21 2013
Times Read: 536


How in the world did this happen? No really how in the FUCK did this happen?



How did I end up in this weird version of "My Best Friends Wedding" ?





UGH!





He's my best friend and I've been in love with him for.... 7 almost 8 years.



He knows, we had that full disclosure talk ages ago (almost 4 years ago) and that should have either put us together or ripped us apart...



Instead....



We're closer than ever but NOT together... and I actually love his girlfriend. Especially with him...



How did this happen!? I don't even have a scenario for dealing with this.



We are super close, where we talk all the time... We know everything about each other... And I mean everything. If you want to sink me... He knows it all, so hit him up first.



I'm close with her too. We hang out and everyone clicks well together... I know her well enough to help him pick out Christmas and Birthday gifts and vice versa.



How did I end up in this super weird and awkward (terrifying) middle ground???



And the bigger question is.... How do I get out? (without dying in the process) Is that even possible?





I love him. But...



He's not mine and he wants someone else.



My brain has wrapped around that fact but my heart and my feels have not.





It's not like I haven't NOT dated anyone else because I was waiting for him or anything. In fact I've dated quite a bit. Sometimes with his help/pushing/advice.



But I haven't really connected with anyone... in quite a while. And I'm thinking that that is directly related to some subconscious thought (delusion) that maybe one day... we'll be together?





I didn't think about any of this until that conversation. I HATE that conversation!





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





Him: You should go out with P****



Me: Ummmm... Well that came out of left field... Why should I date P****?



Him: Because. You're single and he's single. You two click well and we have lots of fun together. PLUS! There was that time you two.... ya know.... During Mardi Gras...



Me: HOW did you find out about that?! He told you didn't he! Open mouthed bass that one is!



Him: ....... I was totally there... in the next room remember?........



Me: ................... no.............. Fuck!



Him: *Laughs* No biggie. I like you two together. And you deserve it... I want you to be happy...



Me: *Grumbles* I am happy..... sometimes....



*Long pause*



Me:... It's not so much that I don't like P**** We do get along and have lots of fun... And there was the one time in STL.... It's just.....



* Pause*



Him: He's not me...



Me: You said it, not me.



*Pause*



Him: Ok maybe not P**** But maybe you should start dating again. Find your Prince Eric *laughs*



Me: Do not make me stab you with a dinglehopper!



Him: Seriously though... At least think about it...





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





The worst part... That horribly wonderful jerk is right.



I HATE it when he's right!





He and Her have been together for nearly 7 years. Yep, Pretty much the same amount of time I've loved him. And I KNOW that an engagement and marriage is imminent... Not only that but close on the horizon.



I need to let him go. I need to NOT love him. I need to get out of this because the day he asks me to help pick out a ring I will be done for.



I know I won't be able to sit through the wedding. Even if I love her too and really love them together... That's a pain I know I can't handle or survive.



How do I even begin to.... let him go?



How do you tell your best friend "Oh sorry, I wish you all the best in life with the girl whom you love and I love too, but I can't come to your wedding, and I should probably not talk to you so much if at all anymore because I really really really love you and it's killing me to see you so happy because it's not with me. K bai!"







Fuck. I am in WAY over my shell on this one...


COMMENTS

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Achilles
Achilles
19:22 May 21 2013

My advice is let him go,and if it's meant to be,he will come back for you.The longer this goes on the more tortured you will get.I know he's your best friend and the person you love but this is no position for you to be in,it's not healthy if I may put it that way.Probably will be the hardest decision of your life,but it's got to be done.





 

When in doubt... Go with your gut

02:16 May 10 2013
Times Read: 556


They say if you can't make a decision between two seemingly impossible choices, flip a coin, no matter how undecided you may be.



Because once you do and that coin is in the air. You suddenly know which side you are hoping it lands on.







BOOM decision made.







While I didn't actually flip a coin this time, I did just go with my gut.



When in doubt, trust your instincts.





I may HATE my job sometimes... ok most of the time... in particular my boss... But I also love it.



I love the location, the rest of my co-workers, the dogs, the routine... I actually love most of it.



It'll be painful sometimes... but I made this choice and I'm going to deal with it.







It's not a "no other option" scenario, and I'm still searching for a better job... but for now I stay.


COMMENTS

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Rock Meet Hard Place

03:31 May 07 2013
Times Read: 563


Is there such a thing as a "Quarter Life Crisis?"



Because I think I'm having one... or another one.





I HATE my current job... Well my current manager, who does absolutely nothing, making it hell to get anything done. The work isn't actually so bad....





So I have been applying around to find a new job and this past Saturday I had a successful "working interview" with a new kennel.



It's a lovely place and I think would be a nice place to work... but now I don't know if I want to!



The entire time I couldn't stop thinking about how much more efficient my current job is and the vast differences between places. Now I don't know what to do.





How did this happen!? This was supposed to be an easy choice.



Interview. Love the place. Put in my 2 weeks. and Leave for the better...



Now I can't make up my mind if I want to stay where I am or make this jump.





The new place would give me a small raise... but I wouldn't be guaranteed the same amount of hours as my current job... so that's not really a plus if I can't get the same if not more hours.



They aren't as stream lined as my current job... It would involve lots of running in circles and just kind of "winging it" where as my job now I can sort out my day (or night rather since I work over nights) and plan what and when things need to get done.



They are a TINY operation in comparison to where I am now. Which would be a nice change of pace pet wise, but they do bring in "pop up" kennels so I would still be averaging 100 animals during the holidays.



It IS a farm though! With horses, donkey's and chickens! And it's in a lovely location so the outside time/walks would be fun!



But then again... It gets fucking HOT and fucking COLD here... I am entirely inside where I am now. No extremes either way...



Not to mention... I am ghostly pale and sun burn like no body's business... Summer outside could potentially be AWFUL.



I wouldn't have much room for advancement at the new place as I would where I am now. But they give raises frequently which is better than where I am now.



The schedule would be day shifts, which is a HUGE change for me. I am a night person. Always have been, always will be.







*sigh*





I just don't know what I should do.



I kinda feel like I should stay where I am... But if I do I kinda feel like maybe I am throwing away a good opportunity right now.



Plus I have been MISERABLE for months where I am now... If I don't jump at this chance I was just complaining for nothing...



I would basically be forfeiting all rights to complain in the future, right? I ACTIVELY chose to stay where I was having such a hard time, I can no longer complain about it...



Though, say I do take the new job and hate it with in 2 weeks? Then what? Crawl back to where I am now and grovel?





UGH!



Why isn't this decision easier!? Why is my gut playing middle fiddle on this one, when I need it to pick feeling and go with it!?



Of all the scenarios I played out in my head about finding a new job... THIS was not one of them...


COMMENTS

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*Squints*

17:13 May 04 2013
Times Read: 575


Damn... I never really realized HOW horrible my eyesight really is...



I'm sitting not a foot and a half from my laptop screen and everything is horribly blurry. I have to lean in or squint to read anything.



Shit.



This for sure means I need to suck it up and make an appointment to visit the eye terrorists.



UGH!


COMMENTS

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It's about damn time...

19:04 May 01 2013
Times Read: 591


Whelp... I've finally done it.



I've ordered myself a No!No! Hair removal system.



I've been watching this product since it came on the market in 2006 but have held off until:



a) I had the funds for it

b) It has proven itself worth it

c) I was ready for this next step





It's taken a long LONG time to come to basic terms with my PCOS and all the afflictions that come along with it. Most of it I've accepted, seeing as there isn't a whole lot I can do about them, but some I flat out refuse to give in to. One of them being the stupid hirsutism.



I have done the laser treatments in the past. They did absolutely diddly shit... and when they cost $750 a session and you are running upwards of 15 sessions..... Not only is it not feasible, but it's STUPID to continue.



I've read both the great and horrible reviews so I know there is always the chance that this isn't going to work, but at this point even the slightest bit of an improvement on my system now is going to be worth it.



Now we just have to wait for it to get here and get started :)


COMMENTS

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supernova
supernova
20:43 May 01 2013

Youre gonna love it:)





SouthernFreak
SouthernFreak
23:50 May 01 2013

I've been thinking about it also. Please post when you have tried it and decided what you think. :)








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